Eternal Tears of Sorrow: 30th Anniversary

It’s been some time since I last wrote about Eternal Tears of Sorrow, whether individually or on behalf of the entire band. Our seeming inactivity over the past decade plays a part in this silence.

Today, I bring you a mix of news.

First, the cheery part: “Good news, everyone!” (Those who have watched Futurama know that unfortunately, this phrase is often followed by bad news.)

This month marks three decades since the inception of EToS—certainly a cause for celebration! Or it is actually 32 years if you count from the early days of our forerunner, Andromeda, which began its journey in early 1992.

However, this is tempered by the less cheerful revelation that we have been on hiatus for about a year—a decision that we hadn’t publicly disclosed until now. Hence, there are no official celebrations for this milestone.

Each band member has their reasons for this break. Personally, I feel we might have reached our creative zenith; continuing as before might merely mean repeating ourselves in every conceivable way—songwriting, performing, recording, and the like.

Despite our efforts over the past few years to produce new songs, perhaps aiming for a single or an EP, these did not yield the hoped-for results. The new material seemed either too derivative of our past work or lacked the necessary collective enthusiasm, suggesting we might have exhausted our potential as EToS.

Yet, this period was far from fruitless for me. I’ve significantly honed my songwriting skills and learned to inject new life into our music. These lessons are invaluable as I embark on new projects. Each of us is now exploring different musical avenues through various bands and projects.

As for myself, I’ve been developing a new project since the onset of the pandemic, envisaging something that might echo EToS but with a heavier, more progressive, or even experimental twist. The project will certainly have stuff that hasn’t been possible with EToS, or stuff that I couldn’t even imagine during our active years. So, I’m filled with fresh ideas and enthusiasm for this new direction, exploring where these paths might lead. And this may not be the only project on the horizon for me—I have numerous new ideas that could take many different forms. Only time will tell.

So, I hope to release information of this band/project – or even more projects or bands – next year, as I turn 50 years then.

As to when the EToS hiatus might end, that remains uncertain. We will resume when we all feel the moment is right, perhaps with a reimagined sound and approach to ensure everything feels fresh and invigorating.

In the meantime, I invite our fans to stay connected through our official social media channels on Facebook and Instagram.

Thank you for your steadfast support over these three decades. It has been a profound honour to share this journey with you. Expect us when you see us.

Best regards,
Jarmo Puolakanaho & Eternal Tears of Sorrow

EToS: 30-vuotissynttärit!

Siitä onkin jo aikaa, kun viimeksi kirjoitin Eternal Tears of Sorrow‘sta, joko omasta tai koko bändin puolesta. Ulospäin on varmasti näyttänyt siltä, että olemme olleet hiljaa koko tämän vuosikymmenen ajan. 

Tänään on viimein oikea aika kertoa bändin asioista.

Ensin iloinen osa: ”Hyviä uutisia, kaikki!” (Futurama-fanit tietävät, että tätä lausetta seuraa poikkeuksetta huonoja uutisia). 

Tässä kuussa tulee kuluneeksi 30 vuotta bändimme perustamisesta – se on varmasti syy juhlaan! Tai 32 vuotta, jos mukaan lasketaan EToSin ensimmäisen esiasteen, Andromedan, alku alkuvuonna 1992. 

Nyt ne huonot uutiset. 

Olemme olleet tauolla noin vuoden. Emme ole kertoneet tästä julkisesti ennen tätä päivää. Siksikin tätä virstanpylvästä ei juhlita virallisesti. Kaikilla on muuta tekemistä.

Jokaisella bändin jäsenellä on omat syynsä tähän taukoon. Omasta puolestani tuntuu, että olemme ehkä saavuttaneet kaiken mahdollisen. Jatkaminen olisi vain vanhojen juttujen toistamista musiikillisesti ja oikeastaan kaikilla muillakin tavoin. Huomasin tämän itse ehkä myöhemmin kuin muut, vasta viime vuonna, ja lopullisesti vasta tämän tauon aikana.

Mutta me toki yritimme. Yritimme kirjoittaa edes sen verran uutta tuoretta materiaalia, että olisimme saaneet julkaistua edes sinkun tai EP:n. Mutta epäonnistuimme. Uudet biisit tuntuivat joko vanhan toistamiselta tai väkisin väännetyltä. Ehkä voidaan siis sanoa, että intohimo ja inspiraatio olivat kadonneet.

Silti tämä ajanjakso ei ollut minulle suinkaan turha. Olen oppinut paljon musiikista ja biisinkirjoittamisesta. Nämä opit ovat korvaamattomia nyt, kun olen (bändin muiden jäsenten tavoin) suunnannut kohti uusia bändejä ja projekteja. 

Omalta osaltani olen kehittänyt uutta projektia pandemian puhkeamisesta lähtien. Se saattaa kuulostaa osin vanhalta tutulta EToSilta (mitenkäs seepra pääsisi raidoistaan?), mutta jossa olisi kuitenkin raskaampi, progressiivisempi tai jopa kokeellinen vivahde. Mukana on taatusti paljon sellaista, mikä ei ollut mahdollista EToSin aikana, tai ei edes tullut silloin mieleenkään…

Kovalevyilläni on jo nyt aikamoinen määrä tuoreita ideoita. Kun vain olisi vieläkin enemmän aikaa tehdä niistä jotain… Eikä tämä ole ainoa miettimäni projekti/bändi. Mielessä on orastavia ajatuksia muistakin mielenkiintoisista jutuista. Aika näyttää. Toivottavasti saan julkaistua ensi vuonna edes uutisia tuosta bändistä, tai jopa useammasta. Ensi vuonna nimittäin täytän 50 kokonaista vuotta (huhhei…) ja siihen juhlavuoteen sopisi paremmat uutiset kuin nämä.

Takaisin bändiimme. EToSin tauko kestää niin kauan kuin se kestää. Jatkamme, kun kaikkien mielestä aika on oikea. Ehkäpä tuore soundi ja uusi lähestymistapa kainalossa. Ainakin puhtaalta pöydältä pitää aloittaa, siitä olen varma.

Sillä välin voitte seurata bändin ja sen jäsenten kuulumisia Facebookissa ja Instagramissa (etosofficial kummassakin).

Kiitos tuestanne näiden kolmen vuosikymmenen aikana. Koko bändille on ollut suuri kunnia jakaa tämä matka kanssanne. 

“Expect us when you see us”, sanoisi vaka vanha harmaaparta Gandalf tässä tilanteessa.

Terveisin,

Jarmo Puolakanaho & Eternal Tears of Sorrow

Echoes of the Unexpected: Finding Depth in Musical Peculiarities and New Beginnings

Do you recall the last time a song struck you so profoundly that you found yourself compelled to listen to it repeatedly?

I certainly remember my most recent experience. It occurred last year when I stumbled upon ‘Tarred and Feathered‘ by Cardiacs, which is one of the most peculiar songs I’ve ever encountered. Yet, its peculiarity is merely one aspect of the song’s allure. Ultimately, I’m unsure why it resonated with me so deeply. Perhaps it was simply the perfect song for that moment.

Moreover, the song’s eccentric music video heightened my sense of confusion and delight. Discovering that Tim Smith, the band’s leading figure, had passed away a few years earlier added a layer of sadness, yet it also strengthened my emotional connection to the band.

What an extraordinary way to discover a band you’ve either never heard of or perhaps passively ignored until now.

This raises a question: does a wonderful song need to belong to a genre you typically enjoy? Or can it captivate you despite being completely outside your usual preferences?

The answer, I believe, is unequivocal. A good song transcends genre boundaries. Ideally, discovering a new band can introduce you to a new realm of music, akin to uncovering a previously unknown genre. This reminds me of J.R.R. Tolkien‘s experience when he began learning Finnish and encountered Kalevala, the Finnish national epic. He described it as akin to uncorking a wine bottle of an entirely new variety and flavour.

It’s often said that one’s musical taste tends to stagnate before reaching 30. Finding entirely new bands that resonate with you becomes less likely, though not impossible. Hence, one should never cease exploring new music. Opting to bask in nostalgia is perfectly acceptable too. Who am I to judge?

Nonetheless, the thrill of discovering something new can rejuvenate your spirit. Then again, for some, reliving the music of their youth brings back a sense of youthfulness. It’s a matter of perspective.

From a songwriter’s standpoint, my aspiration is that at least one of my compositions has profoundly touched a listener in some way. This, I believe, is the pinnacle of achievement for both songwriters and musicians.

A few observations…

In an interview, Sting once remarked, “If a new song fails to capture my interest within the first eight bars, I’ll skip it.” While this approach may seem stringent, I understand his perspective. First impressions are crucial, especially in an era where attention spans are challenged by 15-second TikTok videos.

Another perspective comes from Warren Huart, a British producer based in the USA, who opines that music nowadays lacks excitement. He suggests that bands should infuse their songs with originality and unexpected elements. According to him, while 90% of a song should align with the genre’s conventions, incorporating 5% to 10% of something completely unique can make a track stand out. This could be an unusual instrument, chord, melody, rhythm, lyric, vocal style, production technique, or any other element of surprise.

In my view, this embodies the essence of progressive music, which I see not just as a genre but as a mindset focused on innovation rather than taking the easiest path.

Merging these insights with my understanding of melodic death metal—always striving for diversity and drawing inspiration from various sources—provides a glimpse into my approach for the upcoming album. It won’t be straightforward or quick, but it will materialize.

Above all, my deepest hope is that the new songs will profoundly impact at least one listener. Achieving this would be immensely gratifying.

Stay tuned for further updates.

Procrastination: Life is Your Creation

When it comes to engaging with music, be it generally or specifically with the new band I’ve been planning for years, I’ve developed a set of routines. These routines could be described as a list of daily tasks that I endeavour to complete on weekdays, outside of holidays or other exceptions, dedicating 8 hours to music each day.

Creating this list was essential to bring some semblance of control to my creative process. After a long day at my primary job, it’s surprisingly easy to relax on the sofa, only to realise at 9 PM that I need to prepare for the following day. Breaking a significant task into smaller ones has proven effective in managing the workload. By the time I go to sleep, feeling satisfied with the day’s progress brings a sense of accomplishment.

Here’s a breakdown of my daily tasks:

1. Guitar Practice: At least 10 minutes dedicated to anything guitar-related, whether practising scales, mastering challenging rhythm guitar riffs, or fine-tuning my guitar sound.
2. Meditation: A minimum of 3 minutes to calm the mind, crucial for nurturing creativity. Ideally, this would be 10 minutes.
3. Songwriting and Idea Generation: At least 10 minutes spent creating new songs and ideas, writing new riffs, exploring new music, or discarding riffs that don’t quite measure up.
4. Future Planning: A minimum of 5 minutes planning ahead, from storytelling and lyrics to deciding on studios for recording and mixing.
5. Reading: At least 10 minutes of reading books. Literature is as vital to the creative process as the music itself, especially as I plan a thematic album or series with a connecting narrative.
6. Studying: A commitment of at least 15 minutes to study. This could involve anything from music theory to home recording, mixing, mastering techniques, or even exploring entirely different subjects like mathematics on YouTube.

Over the past weeks, I’ve completed these tasks with about two-thirds consistency. This is commendable, considering some days are long and exhausting, leaving little energy for anything beyond relaxation and sleep.

Specifically, my dedication to studying has reached nearly 90%, a testament to the never-ending journey of learning in music. However, the planning aspect lags at about 35%. While there’s room for improvement, it’s important to note that substantial planning was done prior to establishing these daily tasks. The focus now shifts to the thematic and narrative elements, with ample time allocated for future planning.

So far, this approach has significantly mitigated my procrastination. I look forward to sharing more about this journey, as well as updates on the new band and album, in future posts.

Whispers of Elysara

A small fantasy story inspired by the last season of Disenchantment…

In Elysara, a land where spectral dragons soar and magic pulses through the air like a living entity, a nomadic boy named Aiden sought his place in the world. His life, a wandering melody, led him from one enchanted location to another, always seeking a connection that would resonate with his restless spirit.

Fate played its tune in Lorian’s bustling bazaar, where Aiden crossed paths with Elric, a mage whose magic sparkled like the first light of dawn. Their meeting ignited a profound friendship, anchored in shared dreams and a mutual affinity with magic.

Together, they created “The Enchanted Spectacle,” a mesmerising display of magic that draped over Elysara like a mystical veil. Their combined talents, a harmony of light and shadow, captivated audiences far and wide. Yet, even as their spectacle grew in fame, Elric harboured a secret ambition.

Unknown to Aiden, Elric’s thoughts were increasingly consumed by a different venture. But he kept these plans hidden. This secret endeavour was a stark contrast to their shared creation, its nature as divergent as moonlight from sunlight.

As the spectacle’s demands grew, both Aiden and Elric felt the weight of their continuous performance. It was during this time of weariness that Elric withdrew, leaving Aiden to grapple with the remnants of their joint venture. Elric’s departure, shrouded in unspoken truths and concealed aspirations, left a rift between them.

Aiden, in the solitude following Elric’s exit, explored new realms of magic, each discovery a beacon in his journey of self-discovery. Meanwhile, Elric pursued his secret project.

Elric’s eventual return, marked by the end of his side venture, brought a complex reunion. Aiden, offering forgiveness, rekindled their magical collaboration. Yet, their interactions were now shaded by the memory of Elric’s concealed ambitions, the vibrancy of their former camaraderie dimmed by caution and unspoken doubts.

Years later, Elric’s secretive tendencies still resurrected old uncertainties in Aiden. These doubts, though softened by time, echoed a friendship forever changed by the shadows of hidden truths.

Now, at a pivotal moment in his destiny, Aiden reflects on the tapestry of their intertwined journey. Would he choose the same path again? The answer remains elusive, like a distant melody. But in this reflection, Aiden realises it’s time for him to craft his own legacy in Elysara, embarking on a new adventure, enriched by the lessons of the past and the endless possibilities that lie ahead.

Time Passes by So Quickly…

As my 49th birthday looms on the horizon next month, I find myself reflecting deeply on the journey so far.

It’s been a rollercoaster of discovery. Looking back at the turn of the millennium, I realize how much I’ve learned. The band was my everything, a crucial part of my identity, but I’ve come to understand that such heavy reliance wasn’t the healthiest in the long run.

Back in ’99, being in a band felt entirely different. The internet was just a baby, and social media was nowhere on the horizon. We only had the Web, no Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, YouTube – not even Napster or Myspace for sharing our music. Bands weren’t tied down by the need for constant online promotion. Today, however, crafting an engaging online presence is crucial, a challenging shift for someone from the old school like me. But, every day is a chance to learn and adapt.

One reflection that’s particularly resonated with me was seeing our album ‘Chaotic Beauty‘ described as ‘Progressive Death Metal’ – a rare but insightful categorisation. This acknowledgment of the complexity and depth of our work has significantly influenced my recent musical endeavors.

Now, I’m quietly working on something new, a project that’s been simmering since the start of this decade. It pays homage to familiar territories while venturing into new realms, blending the old with the new. This venture feels like coming full circle, marrying past lessons with future opportunities. 🌌

Life, I’ve realized, is about continuous learning and adaptation. From the seismic shifts of the early noughties to navigating today’s digital landscape, every step has been preparation for this moment. As I stand ready to embark on this new chapter, I’m filled with excitement and a touch of nerves for the adventures that lie ahead.

I’m finally ready for this next journey. Allons-y, then! And stay tuned for more details in the near future.

My Instagram Account

In my Instagram journey (@goashem_music), I’ve embarked on a special series where I dive into the stories behind some of the most impactful songs I’ve had the pleasure of crafting for Eternal Tears of Sorrow, or at least those tracks where I’ve played a significant role. I kicked off this series with “Sinister Rain,” a track I personally consider among my finest creations. Following that, I explored “Autumn’s Grief,” a song that marks the exploration into the gothic dimensions of EToS’s sound.

For those intrigued by the creative process behind music, my Instagram page offers a glimpse into these tales.

In other news, I’m currently dedicating time to composing new music, aiming to enrich our discussions with fresh content beyond the classics I’ve previously discussed.

My Journey with the Kemper Profiler Player

Last Friday, my musical toolkit expanded with the arrival of the Kemper Profiler Player, a step that’s set to significantly influence my path toward crafting new, heavier, and more progressive melodic death metal albums. This addition isn’t just about acquiring another piece of equipment; it’s about embracing a tool that promises to deepen the sonic textures and complexities of my music, particularly when used alongside my Line 6 Helix.

The Kemper offers a fresh perspective, not by replacing my Helix but by augmenting it, providing a rich tapestry of tones that complement the Helix’s capabilities. Together, they form a powerful duo that supports my vision of pushing boundaries in the melodic death metal genre. The compact nature of the Kemper is particularly appealing, granting me the flexibility to create and record music in a variety of settings, from the comfort of my home studio to the most remote locations where inspiration strikes, powered by my small solar station or the trusty, battery-operated Boss GT-1 pedal when needed.

While the Boss GT-1 has its place in my rig, especially in situations where power is scarce, its sonic output simply can’t compare to the depth and authenticity that the Kemper brings to the table. The Kemper’s ability to accurately capture and replicate the essence of real amplifiers is nothing short of revolutionary for my music, providing a foundation upon which I can build more complex, rich, and aggressive tones that are essential for the new directions I’m exploring in my albums.

Reflecting on my initial experiences with the Kemper Profiler Player, I’m filled with optimism. This piece of gear exceeds my expectations by offering not just portability and quality but also by being a pivotal element in my journey towards creating more intricate and heavy music. As I delve deeper into integrating the Kemper with the Helix, my excitement for the sonic possibilities they will unlock for my upcoming projects continues to grow. This is not just another step in my musical journey; it’s a leap towards realizing the soundscapes I’ve always imagined for my future albums.

Nebula Arcana

In the year 2047, humanity gazed upward to witness a celestial enigma, the Nebula Arcana. A sprawling cloud of interstellar dust and gas, it appeared seemingly out of nowhere, perplexing astronomers and cosmologists across the globe. Its presence was a riddle wrapped in a cosmic enigma, and its secrets were about to unravel the very fabric of human understanding.

The first hint that Nebula Arcana was more than a mere astral phenomenon came when Dr. Evelyn Reyes, a prominent astrophysicist, detected an anomalous signal emanating from its core. This wasn’t the random noise of the cosmos; it was structured, deliberate, and unmistakably the product of intelligent design. The world watched with bated breath as scientists embarked on the monumental task of decoding the message.

Months turned into years, and the first layer of the message was deciphered. It was a key, a guide to unraveling the next layer. The scientific community was mobilized on an unprecedented scale, with millions of minds from every corner of the globe joining the effort. The message was a fractal, each layer more complex than the last, a labyrinth of information unfolding endlessly before them.

As the work progressed, the message of Nebula Arcana became a cultural and philosophical lightning rod. Religious groups proclaimed it to be divine communication – some saw it as a message of hope from a benevolent deity, others as a dark omen or a test of faith. Visionaries and futurists speculated about advanced alien technologies and knowledge that could catapult human civilization forward by millennia.

Yet, as the final layer was unraveled, the truth of Nebula Arcana was revealed, not as a gift, but as a somber warning. The nebula was the remnants of a once thriving civilization, a species whose intellect and technological prowess rivaled and even surpassed humanity’s own. In their hubris, they had committed unfathomable errors, destabilizing their sun, and sealing their fate.

In a desperate, poignant attempt to preserve their legacy and caution others, they had constructed millions of satellites, broadcasting their story to the cosmos before their sun went supernova. This cataclysmic event, which had occurred millions of years ago, was now visible from Earth as the hauntingly beautiful Nebula Arcana.

The revelation was humbling and terrifying. Humanity was left to grapple with the knowledge that the nebula was not a harbinger of advancement, but a monument to a fallen civilization—a mirror reflecting their own potential for greatness and for catastrophic failure.

Nebula Arcana, once believed to be a trove of sacred, hidden knowledge, became a solemn reminder of the perils of technological arrogance and the fragility of life in the vast, indifferent cosmos. It stood as a testament to the importance of stewardship, not just of our planet, but of our place in the universe. The message, encoded in layers of complexity, ultimately imparted a simple truth: with great knowledge comes great responsibility.

And so, as humanity looked up at the remnants of a civilization lost to time, they understood that the nebula’s true arcana was not in the secrets it held, but in the warning it imparted—a warning that would echo through the ages, a beacon guiding humanity on its continued voyage among the stars.

A Thought: We Are Not Our Thoughts

As artists and storytellers, we often intertwine our identity with the creations of our minds. Yet, there’s a profound truth that many overlook: We are not our thoughts, feelings, or even the art we create. This notion, contrary to Freud’s belief, suggests that our thoughts do not define our essence.

Imagine your mind as a streaming service, playing an endless playlist. Each song, each story that flows through is like the thoughts and memories that visit us. They may influence our mood, inspire our creativity, but they are not the core of our being. This analogy becomes particularly significant for those in creative fields, like music and storytelling. Our creations are expressions, not definitions of our self.

I’ve often found myself caught in the web of negative memories, a “collector” of sorts. It’s a common tendency to latch onto the one dissonant note in an otherwise harmonious melody. But why do we do this? It’s like replaying a sad song on loop, letting it colour our perception of the world.

These thoughts and feelings are transient, fleeting like clouds across a sky. Acknowledging this impermanence is essential to move forward, to compose the life we aspire to live.

So, if we are not our thoughts or the music in our heads, what defines us? It’s a question that echoes in the minds of many. Are we the sum of our beliefs, principles, and values? Does the love we share with others shape our identity?

Perhaps, it’s about the actions we take, the way we live in each moment. It could be about being present, disconnecting from the digital world to immerse in the natural symphony around us.

As we grow and evolve, our understanding of self changes. The person you are at 50 is distinct from who you were at 25. It’s a journey of discovering your unique melody, a tune that’s constantly being rewritten.

Forgiving and forgetting are not just acts but processes that help us discover our true selves. Letting go of negative memories, embracing the present, and recognising the impermanence of our thoughts can be liberating. It’s about learning to listen to the music of your heart, distinct from the fleeting songs of your mind.

Your identity is a spectral composition in progress, a blend of experiences, actions, and presence. It’s about finding harmony in the chaos of thoughts and melodies in your head.

Remember, you are the composer of your life’s symphony. Make it a masterpiece.

The Perils of TikTok and Protecting Your Online Privacy

In an era where our digital footprints are as significant as our physical presence, understanding and navigating the complexities of online platforms like TikTok and the overarching digital ecosystem is crucial. This blog aims to unravel why TikTok is a dangerous app in many respects and to expand into broader methods of protecting your privacy in the digital age.

TikTok: A Cloaked Threat?

TikTok, a social media platform known for its engaging short videos, has become a global sensation. However, beneath its entertaining facade lies a multitude of risks.

Political Manipulation and Cognitive Impact

TikTok’s potential for political manipulation is a critical concern. As a tool under the jurisdiction of Chinese law, it could be used to subtly disseminate content that undermines democratic values and principles. Moreover, its format encourages reduced attention spans, shaping a generation’s cognitive abilities, which is particularly alarming for young users who are integral to the future of our societies​​​​.

Data Privacy and Surveillance

The app’s data collection practices, coupled with the potential for this data to be accessed by the Chinese government, presents a significant threat to global user privacy and national security​​​​.

Human Rights Considerations

Furthermore, the ethical implications of using TikTok, in light of China’s human rights record, particularly the treatment of Uyghurs in Xinjiang, adds a moral dimension to the argument for a TikTok ban​​​​​​.

Protecting Your Online Privacy

As corporations like TikTok, Meta, and Google delve deeper into data-driven business models, protecting your privacy online becomes paramount.

Understanding Online Tracking

Online tracking is pervasive. It’s essential to learn how it works and the steps you can take to limit it, such as changing privacy settings on your devices and opting out of targeted ads​​.

Utilizing Ad Blockers and VPNs

Ad blockers and VPNs are effective tools for enhancing privacy. Ad blockers help reduce unwanted content, while VPNs encrypt your internet connection, making it more difficult for third parties to track your online activities​​.

Reducing Dependency on Data-Intensive Services

Limiting the use of services known for extensive data collection, such as certain social media platforms and search engines, can significantly decrease the amount of personal information at risk. Exploring alternative platforms that prioritize user privacy can be a valuable step.

Staying Informed and Vigilant

Staying updated on the latest developments, such as Google Chrome‘s changes that could limit ad blockers, is vital. Being informed helps you make better choices about the tools and services you use online.

Conclusion

The digital age brings unparalleled connectivity and innovation but also presents challenges that require careful navigation. Platforms like TikTok pose multifaceted threats, from data privacy to cognitive impacts and ethical concerns. Protecting your online privacy involves using the right tools and being mindful of your digital footprint. It’s about balancing the benefits of digital connectivity with safeguarding your privacy and values in a rapidly evolving digital world.

Remember, in the digital age, your data is a valuable commodity, and protecting it is not just about personal security but also about maintaining the integrity of democratic societies.

The Techno-Mage’s Guide to Idiot Detection

In the whimsically wired world of Technoville, where robots brewed tea and the streets hummed with enchanted broadband, there dwelled a peculiar techno-mage named Horatio. Horatio, with a beard that sparkled with LED lights and a cloak woven from pure Wi-Fibers, was Technoville‘s esteemed Idiot Detector – a position of great responsibility and even greater absurdity.

One starry evening, under a moon that occasionally flickered due to poor reception, Horatio ascended the stage at the Grand Convention of Cosmic Curiosities. The crowd was a vibrant mix of inter-dimensional beings, sentient holograms, and at least one cat who claimed to have invented the internet.

“Ladies, gentlemen, and spectral entities,” Horatio began, his voice echoing through the quantum megaphone, “in our technologically transcendent world, idiocy is not a matter of intellect, but a matter of the heart—or its equivalent in your species.”

The audience, including a robot who laughed in binary, awaited his next words with bated breath.

“Using my latest invention, the Empath-o-Matic 3000,” Horatio said, unveiling a contraption that looked like a cross between a crystal ball and a Wi-Fi router, “I have deduced that the surest way to detect an idiot is not through their knowledge of quantum spell-casting or their ability to reprogram reality. No, it’s through their capacity for kindness, or lack thereof.”

A murmur ran through the crowd, punctuated by the surprised beeps of an AI.

“Observe!” Horatio declared, activating the Empath-o-Matic. It whirred to life, emitting holographic hearts and thumbs-down icons above the audience’s heads. “Kindness radiates a unique energy, detectable to my machine. But beware, for the absence of such warmth reveals the chill of idiocy.”

Just then, a notoriously grumpy goblin, who had once tried to patent sunlight, stood up and jeered. “Poppycock! Your contraption is as useless as a chocolate teapot!”

With a mischievous glint in his cybernetic eye, Horatio pointed the Empath-o-Matic at the goblin. Instantly, a chilly frost formed around him, and the device emitted a sorrowful tune.

“Ah, our first specimen!” Horatio exclaimed. “Ladies and gentlemen, behold the chill of an unkind heart!”

The crowd erupted in laughter, a sound that rippled through dimensions, as the embarrassed goblin slunk away, pursued by a chorus of chirping nanobots.

As the convention drew to a close, the beings of Technoville left with a newfound appreciation for the magic of kindness in a world overrun by logic and technology. They realized that in a universe where stars could sing and time could hiccup, the simplest acts of compassion were the most extraordinary magic of all.

And so, Horatio’s Empath-o-Matic became a celebrated oddity in Technoville, reminding all who encountered it that amidst the whirl of techno-wizardry, the warm glow of a kind heart was the most enchanting spell of all.

Embracing Change in Doctor Who’s New Era

Doctor Who has once again proven its remarkable ability to evolve and captivate, a testament to its status as a stalwart of British science fiction. The series has long mastered the art of reinvention, a trait that keeps it both relevant and beloved.

The 13th Doctor, portrayed by Jodie Whittaker, introduced a divisive yet intriguing narrative twist: the Doctor’s adoption from an unknown universe. This bold storytelling choice added a layer of mystery and complexity, enriching the Doctor‘s enigmatic past. (Some viewers were not fond of that plot twist, yet I personally found it to be quite a clever development in the storyline.)

Russell T Davies‘ return heralded a renewed energy, evident in the 2023 Christmas Special, “The Church on Ruby Road.” The debut of Ncuti Gatwa as the 15th Doctor marked a new chapter, brimming with vibrancy and potential. Gatwa‘s portrayal has been described as a “perfect gift,” refreshing the character and the series with a dynamic presence.

The special’s narrative, noted for its blend of fantasy elements, including goblins and skyship adventures, indicates a comfortable shift for the show. It aligns with Doctor Who’s tradition of blending various genres, making the series continuously engaging and surprising. The shared background of adoption between the Doctor and his companion Ruby, played by Millie Gibson, adds depth to their relationship and opens avenues for potential storylines.

Critics have praised Gatwa and Gibson‘s chemistry, citing it as ideal for ushering in this new era. The special was seen as a welcoming entry point for new viewers while still satisfying long-standing fans. It managed to balance complex themes with the show’s human touch, a hallmark of Doctor Who’s storytelling​​​​​​​​.

One speculative aspect, personal to me, is the potential nod to Red Dwarf in Ruby‘s backstory. While this connection is purely speculative, it adds another layer of intrigue and depth to the narrative possibilities of the series. (One word: ”Ouroboros”).

As we look forward to the new series, the anticipation of how these narrative threads will unravel adds to the show’s appeal. The journey to uncover their origins and the impact of these revelations promise to add fascinating dimensions to the adventures of the Doctor and Ruby.

In summary, Doctor Who is setting out on a journey filled with renewal and discovery. The dynamic portrayal of the Doctor by Ncuti Gatwa, alongside Millie Gibson‘s Ruby, indicates a season that respects its past while boldly forging ahead into new territories. As viewers, we eagerly join them in the TARDIS, ready for the adventures and revelations that await in this timeless sci-fi epic.

Charting Unfamiliar Waters: My 2023 Musical Journey

In 2023, my relentless quest to explore the boundless universe of music gained new dimensions. Despite the trend of ‘musical paralysis’ setting in around 30, I’ve persistently charted the unfamiliar waters of new sounds, driven by the belief that there’s always more music out there waiting to resonate with my soul. This year, my discoveries – a mix of unexpected genres and new bands – have become the soundtrack of my days, demonstrating that our musical appetite need not diminish with age.

In this blog post, I’ll introduce four standout bands and albums from my 2023 playlist:

Tinyhawk & Bizzarro – Nekorok: This Finnish experimental instrumental band, led by guitarist and composer Jenni Kinnunen, captivated me with their debut album. It’s a rich blend of Finnish electric guitar music with diverse influences, from western film scores to West African desert blues. The album’s modern psychedelic rock and 1980s adult rock elements, coupled with a Japanese influence, make each track a unique exploration of experimental rock.

Wilderun – Epigone / Veil of Imagination: This Boston-based progressive and symphonic metal band’s two latest albums ware favourites of mine in 2023. With intense orchestration and captivating vocals, it echoes mid-era Opeth but with less growling. They showcase a dynamic range from serene acoustics to powerful heaviness, making the band a distinct presence in the progressive metal landscape.

The Halo Effect – Days of the Lost: Reigniting the melodic death metal scene, this Swedish band formed by ex-members of In Flames released their debut album in 2022. Rooted in the Gothenburg metal legacy, the album topped the charts in many countries, blending their collective experience to create a contemporary yet classic melodic death metal sound.

Converge & Chelsea Wolfe – Bloodmoon: I: This collaborative album, released in late 2021, marked an extraordinary fusion of hardcore and atmospheric styles. Incorporating Chelsea Wolfe‘s haunting vocals and the combined talents of Ben Chisholm and Stephen Brodsky, it represents a unique blend of genres, creating something reflective of the artists’ combined creativity.

Each of these bands and albums represents a significant part of my musical journey in 2023, highlighting the endless possibilities and discoveries in the world of music.

Merry Christmas!

As the festive lights twinkle and the year winds down, I find myself reflecting on the journey of 2023. It’s been a year of introspection, learning, and, most importantly, dreaming of new musical horizons. This year was a rollercoaster, marked by both highs and lows. It included challenges for people dear to me, but fortunately, the outcome was as positive as one could hope for. I’m thankful for how things unfolded.

Christmas for me is always a time of nostalgia mixed with anticipation. I usually spend it surrounded by the serene beauty of the Northern Finnish winter, immersed in thoughts and melodies that keep playing in my mind. I’m not a conservative person, but when it comes to Christmas and its traditions, I hold them dear.

According to an AI, my Christmas should look a certain way – well, let’s just say it’s close but no cigar. Reality often writes its own script, filled with unexpected turns and hidden melodies. But I’ve still attached the image because it captures something quintessentially Finnish and Christmasy.

Looking ahead, 2024 promises to be an interesting and inspiring year. I’m excited to explore some intriguing musical landscapes and embark on creative endeavors that have been brewing in the depths of my thoughts for quite some time.

I hope the coming year brings you joy, inspiration, and moments of beauty. Wishing everyone a wonderful Christmas and an inspiring New Year!

December

I recently found myself answering the question I had presented to myself earlier, “No, music isn’t the most important thing in the world, though it’s certainly one of the most vital.” This is because there are other supremely important things in life. Take, for instance, those mornings when my dogs leap onto the bed, staring at me with hungry, expectant eyes, seemingly trying to send desperate telepathic messages about breakfast and such. You know, dogs do have their own set of priorities.

But indeed, music is crucial, both listening to and creating it. A few days ago, I stumbled upon a band online called Cardiacs and their manic pronk track titled ‘Tarred and Feathered‘ (see it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dodxYkBEyV8) I’ve had to listen to this song dozens of times, and yet, it amuses and haunts me in equal measure. Quite bizarre.

And this term ‘pronk’, it’s an odd one. I’ve always had mixed feelings about categorising music: on one hand, it fascinates me; on the other, it seems entirely unnecessary. ‘Pronk’ presumably stands for progressive punk rock, pro(gressive) + (pu)nk. But in practice, it’s not quite that, though it owes debts to both prog and punk. It’s similar to how melodic death metal doesn’t precisely sound like old school death metal with just added melodies. If that were the case, Pestilence‘s third album ‘Testimony of the Ancients‘ would be one of the first melodic death metal albums ever. Maybe it should be considered as such, after all, who knows…

Anyway, this weekend, the planning and writing of new music continues, once again. Sometimes things just progress slowly, no matter who you’re creating for. And I predict that the Cardiacs’ track will sooner or later influence my own compositions. In fact, I already know how and what that piece might be like.

Wishing everyone a great continuation of December.

When AI Meets Cha Cha Cha: A Käärijä-Inspired Sci-Fi Comedy

Planet Xanadu had a peculiar reputation for two things: Its 42-hour long days and an exceptional piña colada so potent that the Galactic Patrol had designated it a Class-2 Substance. The drink was exclusively served at The Cha-Cha-Cha Bar, a dimly lit joint with a neon green sign flickering outside, known across the galaxy for its peculiar beverages and vibrant cha-cha-cha nights.

Kurt, a disheveled intergalactic cargo transporter, had just completed a grueling week of long light-year hauls. He yearned for relaxation and, upon hearing about Xanadu’s legendary piña coladas and cha-cha-cha nights, decided it was exactly what he needed to shed his icy exterior, crafted from years of tough dealings in the harsh vacuum of space.

As soon as Kurt stepped into the bar, he ordered a piña colada and decided to take the drink quite literally with both hands. The taste was exquisite, a fusion of otherworldly flavors he couldn’t comprehend, much less pronounce. One sip in, and he felt a surge of energy coursing through him, prompting him to dance, much like the cha-cha-cha rhythm playing in the background. “Cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, ei,” he repeated under his breath, matching the beats to his hasty footwork.

A couple of drinks later, his formerly grim expression had morphed into a reckless grin. His demeanor attracted the attention of others in the bar, as patrons whispered and laughed, impressed by the transformation.

In his intoxicated euphoria, Kurt forgot about his looming cargo delivery deadlines, the weariness of his mundane job, and danced like the bar’s disco lights were the twinkling stars he usually zoomed past. He danced until he could barely stand, yet he was enjoying every second of his topsy-turvy freedom.

Kurt’s fame quickly spread across the bar. When the alien DJ noticed him, he blasted the traditional Xanadu cha-cha-cha anthem. Kurt, fueled by the infamous piña coladas, began to mimic the cha-cha-cha steps, albeit less gracefully than the Xanadu natives. He spilled champagne over himself in a wild, alcohol-induced attempt to blend into the alien culture.

“Cha, cha, cha, my eye’s already squinting,” he slurred in his Earthly accent, prompting roars of laughter from the crowd. He had become the bar’s epicenter, the focal point of entertainment.

At the end of the night, despite his speech faltering and his balance wavering, Kurt concluded he wasn’t usually this person, but for that night, he was that man, the life of the cha-cha-cha party.

And that’s how Kurt, the cargo transporter, ended up on the Xanadu News Network, earning the title of “The Human Cha-Cha-Cha Disaster,” and became the unofficial mascot of The Cha-Cha-Cha Bar. And more so, he lived the song that became his mantra every time he needed a break, reminding himself that sometimes, letting loose was not just okay but necessary, and even in the weirdest ways, fun and freedom could be found… Even if it involved copious amounts of alien piña coladas and cha-cha-cha dance-offs.

Exploring Guitar Tone: Analogue, Digital, and Finding Your Perfect Sound

Throughout the years, I have experimented with a variety of gadgets and plugins in pursuit of the perfect guitar sound. In the past, I have used several V-AMPs by Behringer, which are reasonably priced and quite suitable for crafting guitar tones at home. Additionally, I have owned a Boss GT-100, which I utilised both at home and during live performances, including our 2016 Japanese tour. Interestingly, it’s worth noting that the Zoom Corporation, the company behind the Boss GT-100, is based in Japan, making the tour a sort of homecoming for my guitar pedal.

Furthermore, I have dabbled with plugins such as Amplitube by IK Multimedia, which is a decent product in its own right. However, I ultimately prefer using tangible gadgets that somehow evoke memories of my teenage years when I first experimented with guitar amps.

Subsequently, I acquired a Line6 Helix, an exceptional device that has become my sole guitar gadget for home use. The Helix offers the flexibility to create sounds suitable for home practice, demo recordings, and live concerts. Although I had other options at the time, such as the Kemper Profiler or devices from Fractal Audio, the Helix best aligned with my way of thinking. It does have its limitations, however, such as only being able to model the amps and effects it has been programmed to emulate.

That being said, what works for me may not necessarily work for you. I can suggest some alternatives, and I am confident that you can discover more with further research. I have heard positive feedback about the ToneX pedal by IK Multimedia, which is also quite cost-effective. The Neural DSP Quad Cortex is reportedly one of the finest pedals on the market, albeit at a higher price point. Other noteworthy pedals include those from Headrush and HoTone, as well as the Boss GT-1000, which may be the most impressive modelling guitar preamp Boss has ever produced.

For software plugins, I recommend visiting this website: https://www.pianodreamers.com/best-amp-simulators/. It features a list of excellent plugins that are both high-quality and generally affordable.

Ultimately, there are still individuals who remain loyal to analogue amps, and that is perfectly acceptable. It is essential to use whatever you prefer and can afford. The key is to find the equipment that best suits your needs and preferences.

The Future of Metal Music: Balancing AI and Human Creativity

Over the past thirty years, I’ve seen computer technology evolve and significantly impact the music industry. Our band, Eternal Tears of Sorrow, has consistently embraced the use of computers. In our earliest albums, Sinner’s Serenade and Vilda Mánnu, we primarily used computers and drum machines for composing. Nowadays, technology has advanced dramatically, revolutionising how we create and record music.

Presently, we can record demos at home with a quality that can compete with professionally produced tracks. Artificial Intelligence (AI) has also grown increasingly sophisticated, leading us to question whether AI might one day write songs indistinguishable from those created by human artists. Although it’s tempting to view AI as a potential threat to human creativity, I believe it’s more fitting to consider AI as a tool that can inspire us to explore new songwriting paths and rediscover those we might have forgotten.

Currently, AI systems learn from existing art and combine elements in innovative ways, sometimes producing peculiar or fantastic results. However, they have yet to create something genuinely new or original. As the saying goes, AI is akin to fire: an excellent tool but a dreadful master.

The essence of music transcends the mere statistics and mathematics found in AI models. Music should evoke emotions and feelings in listeners, an aspect AI has not yet mastered. Songwriting remains a largely analogue process rooted in human experience, even as we’ve left analogue recording methods behind.

The future of AI in the music industry is undeniably thrilling. Potential applications could range from promoting albums and providing valuable insights on lyrics and song arrangements to revolutionising band photos and mixing and mastering processes in our home studios. The possibilities seem limitless, but it’s crucial to remember that AI should complement human creativity, not replace it.

As we anticipate the role of AI in metal music and the broader music industry, we must strike a balance between embracing innovation and preserving the essence of human creativity. By harnessing the power of AI to inspire and enhance our music, we can ensure that the metal genre continues to evolve and flourish in the digital age. These are truly exciting times for all of us.